View high resolution

inothernews:

They all look, sound, and probably fuck other people alike.

There is a tragic love story here. In Mitt’s eyes. In Santorum’s…everything.

(via sugartitz)

View high resolution

afternoonsnoozebutton:

Blitzer: Can you claim the Reagan mantle more than Gingrich?

Romney: Oh absolutely not.

This is why you haven’t won the nomination yet.

Manic Pixie Dreamgirl Dreamgoals

sugartitz:

Quirks I am going to adopt this semester just to irk Sarah:

• start eating soup on the go
• always carry fruit in my purse
• bring my ukulele everywhere I go
• start watching and quoting Cougar Town ironically
• take a sociology class completely unnecessary for my major
• talk about women’s soccer
• start practicing my Sean Connery and Bill Cosby impressions at stand-up
• start calling people buddy
• get dreads
• get a tattoo of my cat
• talk about yoga a lot
• wear my coats upside down/inside out

Mari actually wore her coat upside-down tonight and I threatened to murder her in public. Business as usual.

View high resolution

concoctedconversations:

The following is probably how the Blood Mary was invented.

Addison:  You lost the bet Reginald, therefore you have to drink whatever I order.

Reginald:  Oh heavens!

Addison:  Barkeep! Give me a shot of your finest vokda anddddd… tomato juice!

Reginald:  The juice of a tomato? Certainly you jest Addison!

Addison:  Put some tabasco in as well. 

Reginald:  Tobascao?! I hear the peasants referring to that as the devil’s breath.

Addison:  Barkeep, do you have any horseradish?

The barkeeps nods yes.

Reginald:  Heavens and saints with palletes and paints! 

Addison:  Put that in along with some cayenne pepper, celery salt, olives and… Worcestershire sauce.

Reginald:  Worcestershire? But I’m from Conventry. Oh, you dog Addison!

Addison:  And don’t use a spoon to stir it barkeep. Just use that comically large piece of celery.

Reginald:  Why on heavens do you have celery behind the bar?!

The barkeep shrugs. He stirs the drink and hands it over.

Addison:  Bottoms up Reginald!

Reginald drinks it. He loves it and orders another. And another. He turns into an alcoholic and has an early death from scerosis of the liver. He is survived by is wife Judith and his daughter Clara.

Reblog because Concocted Conversations is on a roll this week and also yes, this is probably 100% factual.

feelingphiloslothical:

hamsatat:

The Great Gastly. ha.

MEIN KABUTO. I CAN’T.

Lapras Shrugged. Lapras Shrugged, you guys.

(Source: asapmarky, via torihunts)

billdixoncomedy:

The Pros and Cons of Dating An Artist

By Bill Dixon

Pro: Never Want For A Pen Ever Again-It’s like they come with a kit! Every artist is permanently equipped with writing instruments at all times. 

Con: Unforgivably Vicious Emotional Damage -Artists are unforgiving bastards and will viciously tear your heart out. Breakups usually include personal possessions being hurled into the street, personal possessions being set on fire in the street, and personal possessions being defecated on, on fire, in the street. Also, Lets not forget the public displays of “fuck you” in the form of song, beat poem, blog post, etc. depending on the artist’s medium.

Pro: Never Need Help With Your Computer Again-Because of the exploratory nature of most artists, they generally know their way around a Macbook.  

Con: You Will Be Murdered In Your Own Home-Because of their unyielding fascination and romanticization of death, you will probably be the vessel through which they live out their sick homicidal fantasies. You’ll be holding hands as you walk through a quiet park in the summer twlight and they will look at you and whisper something like, “I’ve never felt this way before.”

This may seem like a beautiful sentiment but what they really mean is that they have never before felt this hunger- this insatiable lust- for murder.

Pro: Exposure To Local Art Scene-You will get to meet interesting and fascinating people within your significant others particular local artistic community.

Con: Your Parents Will Probably Be Murdered Too- Artists are highly intelligent and often seduced by the philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche. They have no respect for human life and they believe in nothing, so after they murder you, they will surely think, “Who will be the person most interested in finding the killer?” In no time at all they will surmise that your parents must be viciously murdered as well. Everybody has an art and this artist’s art is murder and he or she is painting their masterpiece in blood.

Pro: Artists are Crafty!- Why go buy coffee coasters when you can make them yourself? Artists are Do-It-Yourselfers to the bone. Look forward to memories forever solidified in the homemade trinkets that will last a lifetime.

Con: You, Your Family, and Your Extended Family Have All Been Viciously Murdered By A Sociopathic Nihilist Who Plays In A Pop-Punk Band All Because You Watched 500 Days of Summer And Decided You Wanted To Try Something Different-All you ever think about is yourself.

Read more Dangatorium Very Fiction

(via rogueballoon)

View high resolution

sugartitz:

iusedtobeamonkey:

Watching West Side Story because I am in a musical mood tonight…

On another note, someday I will write a  musical about lesbians and it will be awesome….someday

Haha! Happy to say my best friends are writing a lesbian fairy tale musical!

Yes we are. And I am now realizing there aren’t nearly enough rooftop dance parties/ stabbings in it. But there is drag. So it evens out.

(Source: thingscanhope)

(Source: superhipsterbikepunk, via nedhepburn)

Ten Sexy Ladies: Going Over That Big Bump →

tensexyladies:

I’m driving down the road and as usual I’m thinking the big thoughts. (I do not have small thoughts.) (My smallest thought ever was probably peanut butter and spicy ranch pretzel chains and that still netted me nine large on Kickstarter.) I’m distracted by the gorgeous day, smooth and curvaceous,…

I just sneezed and it echoed in my ukulele

sugartitz:

bombsforbreakfast:

sugartitz:

It was beautiful.

Is this how stars are born? Is this how the Beatles felt?

Mari went to Amsterdam for a while. Now she’s back and better than ever, like a little indie Hess truck. I cannot contain my excitement in one pair of pants.

The Little Indie Hess Truck That Could. Wait-what does indie hess truck even mean? That I’m reliable? That you know I’ll be around for Christmas time?

It means there’s a good chance there is a little man on a motorcycle inside of you. Let him come out, Mari. Let him be free. Vroom vroom.

I just sneezed and it echoed in my ukulele

sugartitz:

It was beautiful.

Is this how stars are born? Is this how the Beatles felt?

Mari went to Amsterdam for a while. Now she’s back and better than ever, like a little indie Hess truck. I cannot contain my excitement in one pair of pants.