February 2012
10 posts
3 tags
Shit-Upon-Dick-Upon-Avon
Home of The Bard. Credit to my roommate Sam, who is a mad genius and thinks about this shit.
January 2012
22 posts
4 tags
Manic Pixie Dreamgirl Dreamgoals
sugartitz:
Quirks I am going to adopt this semester just to irk Sarah:
start eating soup on the go
always carry fruit in my purse
bring my ukulele everywhere I go
start watching and quoting Cougar Town ironically
take a sociology class completely unnecessary for my major
talk about women’s soccer
start practicing my Sean Connery and Bill Cosby impressions at stand-up
start calling people...
1 tag
Ten Sexy Ladies: Going Over That Big Bump →
tensexyladies:
I’m driving down the road and as usual I’m thinking the big thoughts. (I do not have small thoughts.) (My smallest thought ever was probably peanut butter and spicy ranch pretzel chains and that still netted me nine large on Kickstarter.) I’m distracted by the gorgeous day, smooth and curvaceous,…
I just sneezed and it echoed in my ukulele
sugartitz:
bombsforbreakfast:
sugartitz:
It was beautiful.
Is this how stars are born? Is this how the Beatles felt?
Mari went to Amsterdam for a while. Now she’s back and better than ever, like a little indie Hess truck. I cannot contain my excitement in one pair of pants.
The Little Indie Hess Truck That Could. Wait-what does indie hess truck even mean? That I’m reliable? That you...
3 tags
I just sneezed and it echoed in my ukulele
sugartitz:
It was beautiful.
Is this how stars are born? Is this how the Beatles felt?
Mari went to Amsterdam for a while. Now she’s back and better than ever, like a little indie Hess truck. I cannot contain my excitement in one pair of pants.
Wipe Your Feet: The Incredible Witness →
tesslynch:
PROSECUTOR: Your honor, we now call to the stand a Mrs. Anne Pike.
[ANNE PIKE FLOATS DOWN FROM THE CEILING HOLDING AN UMBRELLA]
ANNE PIKE: Good morning.
PROSECUTOR: Good morning. Now, Mrs. Pike, you were in a telephone booth across the street from the scene of the homicide. What did you see?
…
1 tag
What is the difference between having high standards and having unreasonable expectations? Expectations will disappoint you if they’re not met, and they will never be met if they’re unreasonable. High standards don’t come with built-in disappointment, only the rare pleasure experienced if they are finally reached.
Coketalk on her fucking game today.
Parents Honor Dead Son's Memory By Keeping Up His... →
“When their son, Geoff, passed away, Mary and Steve Patterson decided to honor his memory by keeping up Geoff’s Tumblr where he made fun of shitbirds, fatties, and asswipes.”
2 tags
Sam Loves Malls
Met up with my co-producer this week to work on some film nonsense. The halfway point between our houses is a big-ass mall. He got there first. The following is our text exchange, all of which happened over the course of 20 minutes:
Sam: K just got here
Sam: This is the Biggest Fucking Mall I’ve Ever Seen
Me: Oh, completely.
Sam: This is like every other mall I’ve ever been to...
December 2011
15 posts
2 tags
4 tags
Welp, 600 words on vajazzling later and I still...
Highlights include:
-One of the OFFICIAL VAJAZZLING WEBSITE (no cheap knock-offs here, people) blog has a list of THREE REASONS TO CHOOSE VAJAZZLING FOR YOUR BUSINESS. Surprise everyone at your office with a vajazzle party! Get the company logo in pink sparkly rhinestones! Hoorayyyyy!
-Look it up in a google incognito window, because I want no trace of this on my computer, ever
-Despite the...
2 tags
Looking Through Article Notes For A Writing Gig
One of my research notes simply says: “Crotch. Crotch crotch crotch crotch crotch.”
1 tag
Breaking: Country's Lesbians To Cease Producing...
Jose and I are on break, and therefore wreaking havoc on the internet.
Gay community apologizes to Minnesota Majority... →
drinkyourjuice:
Everything about this is gourmet.
6 tags
9 tags
Professions I've Considered This Semester
-Street magician
-Caricature artist
-Pick-Up Artist Guru
-Cult leader
-Psychic hotline operator
-Koala Bear
-Mime
-Tea connisseur
-Cactus wrangler
-Biologist specializing in experimenting on cactuses
-Mad scientist dedicated to breeding a sentient monster cactus that destroys Seattle
-Trashy romance novel author
-Recluse
-Micro-Pig Breeder
But I will probably stick to...
5 tags
November 2011
12 posts
3 tags
3 tags
Killin' It On The Interbots Today
Will: I like that you supply me with multiple jokes. It's like a choose your own ending book.
Me: Only it's a "Choose Your Own Snarky Commentary."
Me: Which is something R.L. Stine should've cashed in on.
Me: All of his protagonists are snarkbags anyway.
Me: Also: Snarkbag.
Will: That goes in the vault with ass hat and douche cube.
Me: You're forgetting "twatwaffle."
My amigo Will (whose blog I've provided with a clever new name, and I won't let him forget to credit me at every turn because I am That Guy) came to visit this week! We went to an arcade and rollerbladed and ate fantastic nachos, and somehow are Still Not Sick Of Each Other's Awesomeness. Friends who mutually inflate one another's egos for no reason beyond "I like the shit outta you, kid" are important friends to have.
