May 2012
2 posts
Sometimes I forget that people are usually...
fuckyeahrachelmaddow:
via commie-pinko-liberal
for gif, for Jose.
April 2012
6 posts
2 tags
Chatting about living in LA next semester,
Her: So now they're all indie up in Orgeon.
Me: That's the name of my new shoegaze band. "Indie Up In Oregon." Or maybe, "Indie Uppin' Oregon."
Her: What's shoegaze?
Me: Sub-genre of indie rock, sort of. It's dull. Really dull. I'll play it for you if you accidentally do coke out in LA. You'll come right down.
Her: Accidentally?
Me: It's happened to people I know.
Her: [she guesses a few mutual friends.]
Me: Maybe. I assume at least one of them. I guess I'm talking about this one cab driver I had in New York last summer. A white cab driver, he was 23.
Her: Wow. That's unusual.
Me: Yeah. I had to ask him. Like, "Dude, what's your story." He was a grad student at Columbia, studying music composition. Got his hack license to earn some money on the side. He was cool-looking. I'm maybe, probably making this up, but he wore sunglasses and a fedora. Maybe not the fedora-- some kind of hat. Strawberry blonde. Thin goatee.
Her: Well that's nice.
Me: Anyway, he told me about his first fare. I guess I asked "do you get shit for being a white boy" or something. Apparently his first night out he picked up a bunch of drunk twentysomethings. Rowdy fare. And they literally shoved coke in his face, made him snort it.
Her: That's coke rape... maybe he moved to Oregon after his experience.
March 2012
4 posts
5 tags
Today was warm without being oppressive,
and the sun shone, uninterrupted yet without aggression. The quad’s pristine-as-usual grass was a perky shade of green, and I sat in it, assuming (correctly) my studies would shortly be interrupted by a passing friend or co-worker.
For a few minutes I just sat. Sat in grass. Remembered being the little kid with grass stains on absolutely every denim item she owned, including denim jackets,...
2 tags
3 tags
I already know the funniest thing I'll ever write.
I wrote it when I was nineteen and waited almost a year before it made its way into any of my writing or comedy, and I fully expect to beat it to death in the next five years because I highly doubt I’m going to stop thinking I’m just so fucking clever anytime soon.
Said “funniest thing I shall ever claim as my own” is one simple phrase:
If you are what you eat, then...
February 2012
10 posts
3 tags
Shit-Upon-Dick-Upon-Avon
Home of The Bard. Credit to my roommate Sam, who is a mad genius and thinks about this shit.
January 2012
22 posts
4 tags
Manic Pixie Dreamgirl Dreamgoals
sugartitz:
Quirks I am going to adopt this semester just to irk Sarah:
start eating soup on the go
always carry fruit in my purse
bring my ukulele everywhere I go
start watching and quoting Cougar Town ironically
take a sociology class completely unnecessary for my major
talk about women’s soccer
start practicing my Sean Connery and Bill Cosby impressions at stand-up
start calling people...
1 tag
Ten Sexy Ladies: Going Over That Big Bump →
tensexyladies:
I’m driving down the road and as usual I’m thinking the big thoughts. (I do not have small thoughts.) (My smallest thought ever was probably peanut butter and spicy ranch pretzel chains and that still netted me nine large on Kickstarter.) I’m distracted by the gorgeous day, smooth and curvaceous,…
I just sneezed and it echoed in my ukulele
sugartitz:
bombsforbreakfast:
sugartitz:
It was beautiful.
Is this how stars are born? Is this how the Beatles felt?
Mari went to Amsterdam for a while. Now she’s back and better than ever, like a little indie Hess truck. I cannot contain my excitement in one pair of pants.
The Little Indie Hess Truck That Could. Wait-what does indie hess truck even mean? That I’m reliable? That you...
3 tags
I just sneezed and it echoed in my ukulele
sugartitz:
It was beautiful.
Is this how stars are born? Is this how the Beatles felt?
Mari went to Amsterdam for a while. Now she’s back and better than ever, like a little indie Hess truck. I cannot contain my excitement in one pair of pants.
Wipe Your Feet: The Incredible Witness →
tesslynch:
PROSECUTOR: Your honor, we now call to the stand a Mrs. Anne Pike.
[ANNE PIKE FLOATS DOWN FROM THE CEILING HOLDING AN UMBRELLA]
ANNE PIKE: Good morning.
PROSECUTOR: Good morning. Now, Mrs. Pike, you were in a telephone booth across the street from the scene of the homicide. What did you see?
…
1 tag
What is the difference between having high standards and having unreasonable expectations? Expectations will disappoint you if they’re not met, and they will never be met if they’re unreasonable. High standards don’t come with built-in disappointment, only the rare pleasure experienced if they are finally reached.
Coketalk on her fucking game today.
Parents Honor Dead Son's Memory By Keeping Up His... →
“When their son, Geoff, passed away, Mary and Steve Patterson decided to honor his memory by keeping up Geoff’s Tumblr where he made fun of shitbirds, fatties, and asswipes.”
2 tags
Sam Loves Malls
Met up with my co-producer this week to work on some film nonsense. The halfway point between our houses is a big-ass mall. He got there first. The following is our text exchange, all of which happened over the course of 20 minutes:
Sam: K just got here
Sam: This is the Biggest Fucking Mall I’ve Ever Seen
Me: Oh, completely.
Sam: This is like every other mall I’ve ever been to...
December 2011
15 posts
2 tags
4 tags
Welp, 600 words on vajazzling later and I still...
Highlights include:
-One of the OFFICIAL VAJAZZLING WEBSITE (no cheap knock-offs here, people) blog has a list of THREE REASONS TO CHOOSE VAJAZZLING FOR YOUR BUSINESS. Surprise everyone at your office with a vajazzle party! Get the company logo in pink sparkly rhinestones! Hoorayyyyy!
-Look it up in a google incognito window, because I want no trace of this on my computer, ever
-Despite the...
2 tags
Looking Through Article Notes For A Writing Gig
One of my research notes simply says: “Crotch. Crotch crotch crotch crotch crotch.”
